I feel there’s a need to come out, because there is a knowing one will face opposition. In the face of opposition or the unknown reaction, there’s only one response the body knows. We will either FIGHT or FLIGHT. Coming out is the fight response, a DECLARATION, a stance to say I AM HERE in the face of people who you think or know will not be keen to who you are. For many, this is the mindset they have to walk into facing. You’re not only in the face of opposition from others, but for many — themselves.
One Door Opens and Another One Follows... Or Should I Say Closet
Written: Sept. 26, 2024 @1344
For the one (rare experience) person I do know, coming out for her was not even a thing. There was no coming out because her people accepted her as is. She literally said she started dating (in high school) and she brought her girlfriend home one day and that was it. There were no out of the normal questions or behaviors from her support system. Coming out is a time to celebrate, a time to dance, a declaration that they are here and have recognized themselves. They come out not with a looming cloud over them, but with the joy of growing into learning who they are just like a hetero- person enjoying their first crush. As one gets older, a person who comes from an accepting environment, may have to experience coming out in a different sense. Shocker – the world is not as open minded or accepting.
Maybe, even with the not so positive coming out stories, one can feel it’s a time to celebrate. At the end of the day, YOU did it. Whether it stemmed from being in a relationship or doing it because it was simply time, the feeling still leaves one invigorated. For sure, there was an exciting element for me. One of my main motivations was because I was in a relationship and wanted to not put limitations on myself or the relationship. Either way, I wouldn’t have been able to take the step, if I wasn’t ready and if I hadn’t done the work on myself. After I came out, I felt the gate unlock in my mind. My emotions felt like the waves coming and going on the shoreline – peaceful yet powerful. I felt my limitation shifted like condensation clearing from your windows on defrost. It simply melted away.
This Is How I Felt & Reacted After Coming Out
- I simply did not care enough to let the thought of another affect how I love anymore.
- I could move freely. I gave myself permission.
- I felt grown. I grew up in that moment and moments to follow.
- I felt lighter and nervous all at the same time.
- There was a buzz of electricity going through me
- I could love with one less limitation.
- I realized coming out for me was not a moment but an ongoing experience
Furthermore, I was genuinely HAPPY. I was and still am geeked out. The more opportunities came to say, “Yes, I date women.” Yes, I’m gay.” “I’m pretty sure I’m a lesbian.” “I’m bi, but know, women win by a landslide.” the more I felt my internals glow. I gained and I’m still gaining my confidence in owning me as a person.
To the old thinkers, to the one mindset trackers, to the stuck in my ways, and to the this is how I was raised value believers, coming out is not done one way. It is not always how you see it in movies, tv shows, or pop culture events. One does not have to divulge in a family get together that resembles an intervention to announce their sexual preference. I say this, because I had the experience of realizing that since I didn’t do a big announcement then it was considered a secret or something that was not widely known. The confusion I had on my face when I found this out… I found the expectation or idea for me to update a cousin or an aunt I barely talk to on a regular basis about my sexual preference weird.
My friends know, my friends’ friends know, the family I talk to regularly or hold POSITIVE value in my life know, my co-workers know, if you follow me on social media you might know. So, nah I’m not a secret anymore – just selective. I am a privilege to know.
" By coming out to ourselves, we free up the energy we spent keeping a part of ourselves hidden. "
Also, coming out is a journey of self. You should make the decision because you want to. You can’t solely do it for others. If you do decide you are not ready, you will have to see how that decision will impact and affect your relationships. Coming out is not a one step journey. Yes, you disclosed your preference (congratulations!). Now, what will happen when it’s time to introduce the relationship? In my experience, it can resemble the emotions of coming out. I’ve been on the side of being involved with a person who is out, but did not deal with the emotions of being out in a relationship. Reactions and emotions hit a little bit differently when theory becomes reality. The warped mindset of you can be gay, but just don’t bring it around here is sadly, too real for families.
All I can say is be honest with yourself. Be considerate of your person’s feelings. Be mindful of the situation you put yourself and your partner in. Tame your expectations. Practice walking in another person’s shoes. Be kind to yourself. Ultimately, it is your life and, luckily, the majority of us can decide how to live it. One person or a community of thoughts, values, opinions cannot make you decide to treat another person badly. That decision will be all yours – so choose wisely. Walk with discernment. Practice love.
So, when I think of coming out in terms of the umbrella it is and not as an intervention style, I see the totality of the experience. The experience of self-reflection which hopefully turns into self-acceptance. The experience of standing up for who you are. The experience of having the experience of who you are not being boiled up to an experience. The beautiful journey to living and loving, because I know not all get to be fortunate to live and love as who they are.
Written With Truth,
Debating on Coming Out? Consider These Questions:
- Why now? What is causing this urge, this need to speak, this need to proclaim and tell someone how you live life?
- What is holding you back?
- Who is holding you back?
- What are the thoughts, the scenarios that play in your head?
- Are you safe? Do you have support?
- What does NOT coming out look/feel like for you? How will it impact you now?
- How WILL coming out impact you now?
- Do you love yourself? Is your foundation of ‘self’ stable?
- Are you ignoring, down playing, or not recognizing the need for YOU to come out?
- Do YOU need to come out?
TV Knows The Deal
Playlist
3 Videos
This Is Us - Tess
Video starts at 1:00
